What’s changed?

Written by shivaliv

As I write this, I’m thinking of one specific example of how hard something has become. I’m not talking about how difficult it is to get up in the cold, dark mornings but admittingly, that has become quite hard. Imagine this: a young 19 year old putting herself forward for her University’s Apprentice challenge. This meant student stardom for a few glamorous weeks in October – front cover of the student magazine, being followed by a camera crew of 3 people, being chosen out of the hundreds to apply (slight exaggeration) to represent the side lined, the unrepresented, the forgotten: the laApprenticenguage students. I put myself forward for the QUB Apprentice in a whimsical ‘why not’ sort of way. I didn’t mind much whether I got through or not, it was something fun to do outside the classroom. I had to send in some written answers much like a job application along with my CV and the hum dinger: a self taped video in which I pitched myself to be picked as one of 8 final Apprentices. This video took, as far as I can remember, approximately a half an hour, a few takes and a wink from myself. Press send. Done. Easy.

Fast forward a few years and there I was, filming myself again in the same ‘pick meeeee’ way. But this time it was a lot harder. I took hours instead of minutes, the lighting had to be right and the clothes had to say I’m stylish and professional, I had to smile lots and be energetic!!!! I don’t remember having to think about any of these things a few years ago. I just did it without as much as a bat of an eye lash. Granted, there is definitely more at stake this time around: a real life job is much more important than pretending to be Lord Sugar’s new sugar. But the process was basically the same. Sell Yourself. Something changed, it felt different this time. Was it me or my level of intensity towards the process? Or does the world actually not revolve around me and has something changed in society, has the world adjusted itself without telling us?

There is palpable pressure. I felt it during the numerous takes of my ‘Pick Me’ video. Get it right. Say it perfect. Sit nicely. Don’t be too pushy. Don’t be too lack lustre. It was a race to perfection. Ulitmately, I gave up on trying to be perfect and just said what I needed to say with certain endearing gracelessness. But this attempt to be perfect, to do the right thing, to say what they want to hear (what do they want to hear??) and make good decisions, all of this is new to me. I’ve interviewed before and sold myself to people etc., etc., but something changed in the way I felt. Surely, it would be better and I would come across better if I chilled out. If I was all like, whatever dude, pick me or don’t pick. I’m too cool to care. But that’s the problem: we care more AND there is a spotlight on us which is shining brighter than ever before. Why do we care? Because we’re getting that little bit older and the decisions we make now might actually mean something? Because every single one of us has a stage, a stage upon which no one is really paying any attention to (they’re all probably looking at their phones or in the mirror) but nonetheless we need to perform on this stage. Just look at the success of LinkedIn: sell yourself from the comfort of your bedroom. Perform for us even when you’re not looking or when we aren’t paying attention. Just in case. Be desperate but don’t come across that way. Present yourself as a successful human being at all times. Before LinkedIn and all the other big boys of social media, there was nothing that future employers could peek through the curtains at. Just us and our experiences and our references and our credibility. But now, now you say you’re a real good team player but you only post selfies on Insta? That’s not team playing. Is this why I got a bit too nervous at my filming? I’m concerned about putting a certain image of myself across because perhaps they can pick holes in it? *Note to future employers: I have an impeccable record, there are no holes to be found* It used to be cool not to care but now it seems that must care about every little detail. Is the knife and fork in the right place? Can you just move out of the way so I can get a good angle? What filter should I use? Is it too early to post another picture? I only have 73 likes, should I delete my picture because it’s not popular enough?

I’m wondering if our old friend media and his cousin technology has anything to do with this onset of pressure. Four or five years ago, we did have Facebook but it, I would argue, had more power then because everyone used it and it alone. Now there are too many social networks for one dominating one. When I was 19, I knew if I posted something on my Facebook, everyone would see it. That’s pressure! But I didn’t care. Now if I post something I’m not sure even 10 people would see it because there so much else to catch their eye. Technically, that should take the pressure away, yes? There’s more stuff floating around which makes you really a small fish in a massive pond. But it doesn’t feel that way, does it? Would girls be modifying their image so intensely these days if they didn’t feel that pressure to be perfect? If it wasn’t for certain ‘influencers’ on Instagram trying to make a pretty penny and sell lip fillers, would girls still do it? Would we all be living in ignorant bliss with untamed eyebrows and fuzzy hair and crocs without the beast of being connected to everyone and everything all the time?

bsYes, I do realise that technology and all that goes with it is actually really beneficial and gives us more opportunities and I shouldn’t be barking at it but the fact remains that with the rise of having a public life; a life on stage, a life in front of the camera, there is much more pressure to perform. We’re all celebrities selling a product or a lifestyle to our ‘fan base.’ The reality of the Britney Spears’ headshaving incident circa 2007 seems a lot closer to home now than it did then. And that happened nearly a decade ago (?!!>$*#). So maybe the machine hasn’t changed at all and what happened to Britney could happen to us all. It’s not you, it’s me.

Whether pressure is evolving or is the same force it always was, I know that it’s there to push me to do better and be better. But is enough enough yet? Can I stop caring so much and go back to my teens?

Comments: 217

  1. Peggy says:

    Hellow, i am Rwandan by nationality and glad to hear about this. my dream now is to see this myself winning this scholarship, i have been under my Uncles support whose children have joined high school and so my support from him has stopped.How can i apply for this God-given opn?pturityoI will be glad to hear from you.THANK YOU.

  2. something along the lines of when are we going to give up this false hope and admit we have no idea when things will get better.So refreshing from the clueless cheerleaders and propagandists dominating MSM.Also saw Joe Scarborough say “America meet your future. California”

  3. CLAIRE FUCKING JACKMAN. FLAWLESS HUMAN BEING IS FLAWLESS. I already adored this fantastic show, but then she just kicked it up another fucking notch. The writing's very…it's VERY Moffat, but it's so dark and gritty (and, in a sick way, hysterical). And sometimes Nesbitt and Bellman's performances are so excellent it doesn't even feel like they're acting from a script.

  4. Yeah we’re working on a new system, hope to roll that out asap. We’ve already got many ads designed for the purpose, just need to set something up and get it tested. Thanks.

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  7. this is all really interesting (and of course speculative) stuff – but what part if it has anything to do with First Causes, etc.A couple of points. If you’re wanting to rule out the need for a God/First Cause, then theoretical physics isn’t the best way to do it. Also, the philosophical distinction still holds between natural phenomena (phenomena occurring in [and generated within] ‘nature’) and non-(super)-natural phenomena (phenomena distinct from nature).  Dale  

  8. I have facebook-stalked you all the way to your blog! I, too, am loving the menswear look. I really loved the dress you made into a top and paired with the boyfriend-type jeans in an earlier post. Let’s get back in touch!

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  14. did you read his IEP? She said “no ” I said I have a copy and will bring it to you. She said “don’t bother, I’m sure there’s a copy in the office ” So I said “Then I suggest you read the fucking thing so you would know what’s wrong and how to treat my child” Two months later we moved to TX!

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  18. As much as I’d love to live in a place like Portland, I don’t know if Tom and I would ever move back to the States, at least not at this juncture with the economy the way it is. Tom has a really nice job right now that he loves and we definitely can see ourselves staying in this general area for the next five years at least, so I think looking is a good idea.

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  21. Another bullet point could be about “setting short term goals”.As I know you do some running as well, the key is to look ahead and pick something (e.g., a street corner, building, tree, etc…) as a short term goal. Once you get there, you set another goal until you break through the wall and finish what you set out to do.The wall is just that negative voice trying to stop you but setting these small short goals will help keep you focused on that instead of believing the negative voices.

  22. I quit visiting LGF almost a year ago and haven’t missed it. I quickly noticed that the readers’ comments on GoV and JW were far more intelligent and literate than those on LGF. Most comments there consisted of brief explosions of emotion. I guess the Lizards leave it to Mr. Johnson to do their thinking for them. (Has this changed since I stopped lurking there?) Here and on JihadWatch, on the contrary, there are real discussions and courteous disagreements, and I have learned much on both sites.And no, Charles Johnson is not black.

  23. The paragon of understanding these issues is right here!

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  26. – Olivier : pour le PUP, ce n’est pas cela. – olihoud | le 03 décembre 2009 à 10:23 — Peut-être ceci ? : Projet Urbain Partenarial (Loi Boutin du 25 mars 2009)———————— > Jesús | le 03 décembre 2009 à 11:01 : Aussi en Espagne. En Espagne aussi (ou également).

  27. Very good post. In addition to “invade the world/invite the world” the GOP also stands for running the government very poorly and corruptly.Just about every good historian has noted that the best sign of a country in decline is that it hires mercenary armies to fight its wars. Frankly I find it scary that there is now a well-funded army, with its own PR machine, and controlled by a crazy Republican who married into the Amway company’s crazy founders.

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  29. Happy v-day to you ! I do not get "into it" very much except that I DO LOVE that it makes Hubs and I write each other cards expressing our love and appreciation and I get flowers from Trader Joes, but I do not buy or do anything for the kids, other than making a nice dinner and being nice to them. 🙂

  30. The funeral service was so beautiful. What a tribute to a wonderful woman! I love this video. It was so awesome to see her happy and loving her life here on earth. You WILL see her again one day. I will be praying for you all. My heart is so heavy for you all. Praying for comfort and peace as you carry on in life with those precious kids of yours. God bless you!

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  33. Caro capitano, potresti aggiornarci sulla situazione debitoria USA? Deficit federale, municipale e privato? Darebbe un’idea dello sviluppo della situazione a medio termine.Comunque non preoccupatevi, finchè c’è “veline”, c’è speranza.Complimenti anche a PG, che spera che ci sarà una società tra migliaia d’anni… mi stupirebbe se ci fosse una società civile tra trenta.Qualcuno ha mai fatto dei ragionamenti sullo sviluppo demografico?ciao e grazie, Ruggero

  34. Hola gente! Aca les escribo desde Buenos Aires!Queria saludar a mi amigo Squeitor (Tomas) y alentarlos en esto que hacen porque los acabo de descubrir hace poco y esta muy bueno!!!Saludos!!!P.D Felicitaciones por Alonso, carreron que hizo en Korea.

  35. I just couldn’t relate to this one John. I’m not one for lingering unless a virus or similar has me in its grip. The only time I get into some seriously prolonged arse-parking is at work or while waiting for public transport. But feel free to hit me with your Sorbent ads if you must.

  36. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My blog goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

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  39. I’m not sure that asking the upper class why the area votes the way they do is going to shed much light on it. We KNOW why the upper class around here vote the way they do. What we need to know is why the poverty stricken, which pretty much encompasses everyone else due to the gradual elimination of the middle class, vote the way THEY do.

  40. I think that is very common to be homesick, etc. You are a freshman in college. Just try to finish it out, and your sophomore year will probably be much better. Also, you may want to consider double majoring in french and international business.References : +2Was this answer helpful?

  41. I’d be interested in whether Mr. Mardell will cover and what his take will be on the bizarre set-up… um, ‘interview’ between the US luvvie chat show host and ‘we don’t think using wives is kosher (c)Bacon. R’ Michelle Obama.SKY just ran it and the entire group in the studio agreed it was all, well… ‘odd’. The host rambled around towards her getting her line in and it took partisan rigging the ‘news’ to a new level.I also thought it funny that the feed was captioned (on SKY at least) ‘Worldwide Pants’. No argument there.   0 likes

  42. actually, dont u agree all 3 uni's degree about the same? SG business degree, how much difference can there be?NTU – 3 yrs w/ honorsNUS – 3 yrs w/o honors (+1 yr for honors)SMU = NUSin the end, time is money, so i say NTU

  43. Escribe tu comentario Puedes usar las siguientes etiquetas HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <b> <blockquote> <cite> <code> <del> <em> <i> <q> <strike> <strong> Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.

  44. lucio da silva moraes disse:BASCHERA tém mais; o RAFALE STANDARD F-3 téra capacidade de ataque maritimo e sera compativel com missil anti-navio, como o am EXOCET , e o futuro missil supersonico ( ANF ) FONTE ;tecnologia & defesa n 111 p/30 a 35

  45. Bobby,I’m sorry if the tone of this seems too high flown to you. Fortunately or unfortunately what pointy headed academics or intellectuals write about sometimes does in fact have a lot of influence. On the other side of the equation there are many people influenced by that 18th Century pointy-head Adam Smith (in a misreading I think) to suggest that government has no place in the economy. Hayek was a philosopher who influenced Margaret Thatcher and Reagan to attack the Keynesian successes of the post war era. I think we’re kidding ourselves if we dismiss the importance of ideas, even if at first they are not presented in a way that is accessible to everybody.

  46. Surtout, Lionel, continuez comme ça, vous offrez aux non résidents au Japon un regard d’ailleurs tout à fait précieux. Même si l’on se conserve le droit de voir autrement parfois.

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  48. Joyce, Our heart felt sympathy to you and your family in the loss of Billly, prayers are with you all during your grief.Regards,Nancy and Jerry Moates

  49. posso essere onesta? nun mi piace quasi niente, sarà che il rossetto così scuro mi fa subito bobbi brown fine '80/inizio '90 e le maglie con le scritte mi sembrano di materiale grezzo che dona 3 taglie (ovviamente non alle modelle eh, sarebbe troppa grazia XD). salvo solo il cappotto e la maglia di sandro, che io stia diventando vecchia di gusti e preferisca un look più classico alla ruumi neely (ho solo 22 anni e dovrei adorare gli eccessi…buuuuh)??ps: alla adr non basta proprio la luce smarmellata eh??

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  54. For some reason, dolphin browser mini reopens the last page I was looking at. For example, right now the page that’d reopens every time that I start the browser is the fifa. I checked the fifa site ONCE and now every single time I open up the browser it opens a fifa web site.

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  60. I told myself I wouldn’t have ice cream until my daughter’s third birthday, but your pictures are making me rethink that decision. Hope you’re having a nice day!

  61. Many moons ago, I read a book called A Deadly Game of Magic by Joan Lowry Nixon. Very, very creepy book. I think it was more MG (middle grade) than YA, but the themes in it were super creepy. Lois Duncan was also a favorite of mine when I was growing up. She wrote straight horror for kids. I have read some adult horror short stories by Richie Tankersley Cusick. Very, very creepy. Interesting story about the Christopher Pike books being banned. I can totally see that happening.

  62. dit :Haaaaaaaaaaa ! Pourquoi mais pourquoi ?Fallait pas faire un article comme ça alors que je suis censé ne pas penser à mon mariage … Et là je lis ton article, je vais sur le site ( of course ) et paf pleins d’idées et d’envies déco pour mon futur Grand Jour !!!!! Tu ne m’aides pas du tout ^^ Mais merci de la découverte Bises, bonne journée =)

  63. Hi alleyoop,I doubt I still have the energy to jump and play basketball when I'm 60. That requires stamina and agility. To shoot hoops, maybe possible :)By the way, where is the street soccer court you referred to?

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  70. And so you did … I remember some of these things as they happened. You are one of the strong ones Laurie. I hope you know that. Small poem but a good one and it packs a poignant punch.

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  75. Oh boy. Prayers for Jake, his pack, and his veterinary team. Oddball tip: sleep in a t-shirt and then leave that with Jake. They say it’s the doggie equivalent of having a framed photo of you nearby. One of the great things about Sacramento is having so many UC Davis-trained vets here.

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  77. betul tu nurul pun datang dari keluarga yang agak susah.. harap dapat beri sikit duit buat parents.. :') dan i did it! walaupun masih tak sehebat sis but i will try my best..

  78. " Some firefighters have sought the enhanced benefit after filling in for a superior for just one day, leading critics to call it the “king-for-a-day’’ provision."Firefighters are understanably a tight knit group. I would guess that everyone at the station has the assured opportunity to fill-in for a superior early in their career. Taxpayers would seem assured to be paying for many royal pensions.BTW, I think first responders should be well paid and insured, but not assured richness via pensions.

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  80. You are so freaking cool Josh! This is a great solution and written so clearly that anyone (even me!) can follow it. It may be no big to you but for us aspiring SP developers the level of detail is extremely helpful. Keep it up man and you will make a name for yourself in the SP world. You already have several fans!Thanks for being so willing to share, Jenn

  81. scored a “tiny part” in the Bluth family reunion, joining the likes of Ben Schwartz, Andy Richter, Conan O’Brien and other soon-to-be revealed guest stars. “It’ll be fun. It’s gonna be great…

  82. I’m stressing out about my results and getting into form 4. It is approaching swiftly, and i am getting more and more stressed about the results. i seem to be thinking about my results more and therefore worrying about them more.i have been really stressy and shouting and shouting at people lots and am not only annoying myself, but other people too. I had a panic attack 3 days ago when I thought that results day was Saturday(27th of Dec). My parents, especially my mother is not helping, at all. This is bullshit

  83. Ay Leze yo tengo decenas de propósitos para mis dos chiquitines. Quiero q el mayor corra bicicleta y ya le dije que el próximo año lo vamos a lograr. En el caso de la nena, quiero q aprenda a nadar. A ella le gusta el agua pero no sabe la parte de mantenerse a flote. Deseame suerte!!!

  84. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  85. Hello Kathy! Yes, the bookmarks AND the story of Saltwater Taffy is super cool SAWEET! And soon….a motion picture adventure. Make sure to read it with your kids AND please tell everyone about it. Together we can change the lives of many!

  86. I had the notification from Sprint for this “optional” upgrade (how can you call it optional and then leave a nagging notification until you accept it) as soon as I rebooted after installing Fresh. Naturally it failed, so I came here, and installed your version. But how do I make the notification for Sprint’s update go away? (other than temporarily by killing voicemail). Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

  87. esto no quiere decir que no se pueda instalar en un iPad, por ejemplo. YouTube para iPhone hace todo y más de lo que hacía la versión vieja desarrollada por Apple, está fue creada por los ingenieros de

  88. Hi – great to see what everyone else gets up to.I’ve only returned to art recently which is why Carole’s journal class is perfect as it means I will finish something. Also I like the style of ripping tearing staining & collage!

  89. Il centro di Catania è prevalentamente pianeggiante. Pensa a tutto corso italia non si può di certo dire che sia in salita ne tutta la prima parte di via etnea, o il lungomare, poi anche per arrivare al fortino le salite sono leggere. L’unica salita pesante da fare in centro è la via di San Giuliano. Io uso da sempre la bici a Catania e non ho mai avuto problemi tranne una piccola caduta senza conseguenze per via del manto stradale completamente dissestato (a Catania ci sono buche enormi ogni 10 metri).

  90. Love the list! *scribbles notes down* I think Ally Blue’s series looks great though a little spooky but I like watching the ghost hunter shows (I know -big dork here) so maybe this is perfect for me – though no reading at night! I spook easily!

  91. I’m pretty sure that if he had smoked a blunt shortly before being killed, he would have had higher THC levels in his tox report. I also agree that he hid somewhere and waited for GZ.

  92. Kalau berdasarkan sedutan dari Youtube,menggambarkan bahawa tidak masuk akal,bahawa orang yang hendak melakukan maksiat boleh membenarkan dirinya dirakamkan.Apa tah lagi DSAI yang kini kesnya sedang dibicarakan.Nampak sangat cuba hendak memperbodohkan rakyat Malaysia.Banyak persoalan yang ditimbulkan,mengapa rakaman itu ada tulisan Thailand,dan apakah rakaman itu berlaku di Thailand.Nampak sangat ianya cuba memerangkap tetapi tak tepat.

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  98. So much beauty on your trip (your boys and the scenery)! Dandelions grow everywhere here too, unfortunately, while on a walk with the kids today I saw someone spray chemicals all over his yard to kill them. I don’t see what’s so wrong with dandelions that someone has to have one bottle of chemical spray in each hand. They are part of nature and so beautiful! I love how excited my kids get about dandelions, no matter what stage the flower is at!

  99. has an adolescent daughter and have been confused about HPV Vaccines please pass this on to them.Right now there is a lot of public debate about HPV vaccines and to find out about contaminated HPV …0×200.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="200" />Right now there is a lot of public debate about HPV

  100. Rich, do your kids a favor, and start culling your collection now. Speaking as someone who had to help her husband gather up and get rid of a large book collection when his father died, it’s a painful process to leave to your kids.

  101. Always seems things happen all at once. What an awfulweek for you. Your Gran sounds like a wonderful Lady from your posts. Heart going out to you.

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  103. nice place, indeed. thanks for the share. might visit that place someday. Magoong Beach…sounds like Bagoong… hehehe… nah, just making a little laugh. welcome back, madam shiera.    0 likes

  104. Nate For the last time, just because you call something an outlier doesn’t make it so. Saying that 80 percent of the US population lives in a metropoitian area is not the same as saying 80 percent od the SBC churches are in those areas. I find your concern for smaller churches (let the pastor leave for greener pastures) to be very concerning. Yes, we must reach the cities for Christ, but you don’t do that by ignoring the smaller churches.But then, I’m just a small church pastor so what do I really understand about evangelism an growth?Grace,Wes

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  106. That Chinese vest is all sorts of fantastical goodness! Love it! The Valentino pants are so fun, and you DO make them look fabulous. 😀 I cannot stop laughing at 'tradesman's entrance.' Haha I feel the same way as you regarding jeans. I'm just not comfy in them..but I do enjoy the versatility..so I try to hang onto the ones that actually work. I think you look awesome in everything..and the skinny cut look amazing on you, 'cause you've amazing stems! Love the jewelry! XOXO

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