DON’T CARPE DIEM… YOUR 20’S
I got the inspiration for this one from a very interesting woman called Gleenon Doyle ossselton (great name) who wrote about the difficulty of enjoying every minute of her young baba’s lives on her website Momastery. I found her on a podcast called The RobCast which is completely fantastic when you need some guidance in your life (the guy, Rob Bell, is a former pastor, motivational speaker and all round champion of life).
Anyway, Gleenon’s piece on Carpe Diem-ing motherhood was a great read and lovely insight into the parenting of young children. She gives her response to people saying ‘oh honey, enjoy EVERY MINUTE OF IT, it goes so quickly‘. Now, I am not an expert on being a mother (ha) but I am currently completing a course (mostly online) of being in my 20’s.
How many times have you or did you hear someone say ‘Enjoy your 20’s, it’s the best time of your life!‘ ‘You’re so young, you have no responsibilities, you can do whatever you want!!‘, ‘Your 20’s – the defining era!!!‘. The Latin expression ‘Carpe Diem’ seems to fit in really well with these sentences because soon we will be old and haggard and won’t be able to seize anything. SEIZE THE DAY, 23 YEAR OLD, WHILE YOU CAN!!!! Note the increasing amount of exclamation marks on these sentences; everyone wants you to be so excited about life right now!!!!!! So I’m asking the question: how do we seize the day? How do we live life to the fullest?
We should travel to new places previously unknown or impossible to get to. Think about how travel has progressed in the last 50 years (even the last 10 years). Our parents thought a road trip to the seaside was travelling; a honeymoon to Liverpool or family holiday to Scotland. Now we’re faced with questions like which island to visit: Bali or Borneo? Koh Rong or Ko Pha Ngan? Or east coast or west coast of America? Travel while you’re young, they say, it changes the way you relate to the world and to others. Don’t make excuses like ‘I don’t have the money’ or ‘I have a job or a girlfriend or a cat’. Seize the day and travel to places out of your comfort zone and out of your time zone.
We should live in a big city. It’s filled with endless things for us young people to do – museum Mondays, two for Tuesdays (pizza – for those who don’t know about this goodness), work drinks Wednesdays, triathlon training Thursdays and Friday, Friday, we gotta get down on Friday… There’s pop-up bars giving out free beer and there’s that friend who has come for a brief visit to the city who you must see. Most importantly, there are more job opportunities for us 20-29 year olds who have been freshly plucked from the education system and want to get a big boy job. Most bigger cities have a better connection to the rest of the world too; you can get a direct flight from London to Marrakesh for £70 (anyone down?) Leave your mum and dad’s spacious country abode and come and seize the opportunities that the big smoke is spewing out.
We should live the healthiest possible lives by eating right and exercising… and then go out at the weekend and eat kebabs smothered in burger sauce. We are expected to do the 9 – 5 (or more and more often 9-whatever time you’ve finished your mountain of work), meet a friends’ friend whose just moved here, watch The Great British Bake Off, run 5k on the treadmill or do a spin class and eat as much as we can from Whole Foods or whatever organic, vegan, pesticide free tofu we can get our hands on. This is just our daily lives: look at how much seizing we are doing! We are fit and healthy and then Friyay comes and we’ve spent all our energy on being extraordinary 20 something year olds and now it’s time to binge. Drink, eat, dance, Netflix, brunch – binge on it all. As 20 something’s we live bipolar-esque lives, model citizens during the week but barely alive at the weekends. We have to get this all out our system by 30 on the dot, so seize the day (how you do this depends on what day of the week it is).
We should be well informed individuals thanks to 21st century technology. We’ve been to university (or hang out with people who have) and should be up to date on current events. Conversational topics can range from the war in Syria to Hillary Clinton to Brexit to Frank Ocean to Saint West. Seizing the day in 2016 means knowing what is happening all over the world down to the minute. That means we should be connected to our phones 24/7: Twitter trends, Facebook updates, Sky news alerts, Instagram post notifications. We need to be updated when Ariana Grande uploads a new photo on her Instagram. Tinder matches light up our Apple watches so we are also well informed on choosing a mate but not a forever mate because we need to seize the day and experience them all (not at once). Seize the day by using and abusing technology to connect with the world and people around you.
This is the thing though: it’s hard to seize the day and make every day and hour and minute count as a 20 whatever year old. We are expected to travel, pay £600+ rent, be cultured, be healthy whilst paying off £30,000 worth of student loans which is gathering interest and dust. Most of us have just enough to cover rent and live off Morrisons’ baked beans every month never mind SEIZE THE DAY and make our lives ‘extraordinary’ to quote the late, great Robbin Williams playing John Keating in Dead Poets Society. Most of the time, seizing the day means not dripping ketchup on our white culottes or summoning the courage to ask our boss to have an extra 30 minutes for your lunch so you can sort out your contactless card or getting a seat on the tube (bonus points for getting a seat next to a person who doesn’t sit with their legs in your personal space). These moments aren’t extra-ordinary, they are actually very ordinary but living a fulfilled life, in my opinion, is about seizing the ordinary moments and having mini-victories in the midst of the dull moments.
Don’t try and carpe diem your 20’s. Or do try and let me know how it goes! I think there are moments not decades that we can ‘carpe’; rarely a whole day a moment in the month or the weekend or the day. It’s the sitting in the park eating your home made lunch of leaves and balsamic vinegar in the last of summer sun or having that glass of red wine and reduced price steak you managed to find in Tesco’s or it’s the £300 flights you just purchased to Thailand which makes you ecstatic in the moment (but you will have to live off Co-op pot noodles for three months. But it’s, like, preparation for the Eastern adventures). It’s difficult to seize all the opportunities that 2016 offers us because there are so many and not enough time, money etc. to grab them with two hands. Carpe Diem as a 20 something means sacrifice to live extraordinarily or acceptance of the joy in the modest moments.
A GUIDE TO COPENHAGEN AND/OR MEETING YOUR FUTURE SELF
I’m sitting in a hostel in Copenhagen after biding my three darling friends adieu. It is that time between our different flights back to our respective homes (France, Austria, England, Ireland – we are a culturally diverse bunch) and I have time to kill on my own for a few hours. Copenhagen is a small city and I feel like I’ve explored it quite well; it’s November and you name it, we’ve done it. The Christmas Markets, Tivloli Gardens (self-proclaimed ‘pleasure garden’), The Little Mermaid (anti-climatic but necessary), Christiansborg Palace, Freetown Christiania (completely free from the Copenhagen government and of taxes) and the Rundetaaren (the oldest functioning observatory in Europe – great views of the city from above). We’ve had our fill of brunches, mostly in Paludan Bogcafé which is a half library, half cafe with *hands down* the best brunch of my life (see left). This is obviously the exception of my own brunch speciality, poached eggs, which is hands down the best ever. We had beer and rye bread and Pølser (hot dogs) and Weinerbrød (funny enough, not hot dogs but pastries) and herring. All of this and more in quick four days. Now, I have 2 hours to spare before my flight so, like any good tourist, I sit in the hostel cafe/bar/restaurant with my earphones on.
I wanted to catch up on my correspondences (sounds better than ‘reply to my mates’ or ‘check my emails’) and do something I’ve decided to call The Swipe (trademarking this immediately) – instagramming and facebooking and twittering and anything you can do online with -ing. I had spent the four days relatively off the grid which meant now getting Repeatitive Strain Injury while swiping up and down on Instagram. Let me attempt to paint you a picture of what happened next, with my words.
A woman, looking in her late twenties, maybe 27/28 years old, asked if she could sit opposite me on my large, four person table. I was listening to music and engrossed with The Swipe and nodded ‘Yes’ without noticing her too much but deep down, I was happy that she asked. I always respect a person a lot more if they ask my permission to sit at the same table as me. It’s not really my permission to give but it’s always nice to be asked if I mind terribly if someone can sit beside me – perhaps it inflates my little ego for a brief second.
Some time passes, it’s hard to pin down a specific time frame as The Swipe creates a bubble in which you, the hunched over monkey human, are engrossed in other people’s lives, certainly not paying attention to the lives around you. My bubble was burst and I came back to life when this woman asked if I could look after her phone and her pint while she ordered food at the bar. ‘Yes, yes. No problem’ I said again, much like the earlier seat at my table request. I was being a pretty shit hostel guest at this point, not looking for much conversation with other solitary travellers. I thought I had my fill of conversation with the three darlings during my stay in Denmark. She comes back from the bar, her phone is untouched and her pint is untouched but losing foam by the minute. We both go about our respective businesses with a knowing nod to one another. A while later her food arrives and it’s my turn to make a request. I ask politely if she can look after my luggage while I go to the bathroom and she agrees, as I did. When I come back, I thank her. Now the universe has been realigned because we’ve both completed our duties to one another, stranger to stranger, solitary traveller to traveller. We can get on with our lives.
But… I get the feeling she would like to talk to me. You know the feeling, someone wants an outlet to unleash their thoughts, not particularly through me but anyone who will listen. I probably seemed like the best option after securing trust through the mutual minding of each other possessions. She isn’t as engrossed in her phone as I probably seem and looks around, bored, quite often. I take my earphones out, put my phone down and start up a conversation with her because I know the feeling of travelling alone and the look in her eyes which is compelling me to talk to her. I begin the conversation with the most boring conversation opener of all time: ‘How long are you staying in Copenhagen?’ Maybe its because I’m generally a nosey person but I just love to hear people’s stories: where are you from? Where are you going? Or the more left-wing questions: what is exciting you right now? What are you grateful for?
This marks the beginning of the sharing of our experiences: she just arrived in the city, travelling by herself, wanted to explore a new city, loves travelling, got cheap flights, had just visited Hong Kong a few months ago, from the north of England, did a French and Spanish degree (weird #1 – I also did French in uni), doing a seemingly boring office admin job (weird #2 – I also worked as an office manager but my job was much less boring in Camp Winaukee), the usual 9-5 with 20-25 days holidays (#3 – I worked this life recently, until I quit 3 weeks ago. Maybe it doesn’t count as this is hindsight?), using up her free time and weekends wisely by travelling (#4 but not really that weird, most people like to do this, right?) We talked about how she chose to do Erasmus on her year abroad in France (#5) while I chose to be a teacher (not in title of ‘English Language Assistant’ but in job duties – actually teaching a class of 20 French kids about English verbs and the likes). The conversation flowed easily, it was as if we were childhood friends catching up.
I marvelled at the amount of travelling she’d be able to do despite having a big boy job. She was not restricted by having no one to travel with or having a job which made her life pretty rigid with her time (travelling at the weekends/bank holidays is wildly more expensive than a mid-week break) and this was the thing that resonated with me: you can work a boring job but live a completely separate and fulfilling life at the weekends and during your 25 days of annual leave. She wasn’t particularly passionate about her job as she was when speaking about her extra-curricular work. As difficult as that is to write, this is true of a lot of people I know. They (me included) don’t have a predefined path to follow, they don’t have a career yet, they are doing boring or temp jobs, they are making money to maintain their lifestyles outside of work. They constantly have the Munday feeling but it’s OK for now as it allows them to travel vastly or eat interestingly or drink endlessly or socialise excessively. For me, a booooring job allowed me to follow my creative path (writing) without putting pressure on it, it doesn’t need to fund my lifestyle. Writing isn’t a source of income for me… yet. (Sponsors welcome… visualise smirky wink face emoji here).
Some time passes again and it’s hard to pin down a specific time frame for this period again. This time, I was in a bubble of real time conversation with the living human being opposite me. I was learning new things and giving away little snippets of my story. Much to my surprise, this bubble is much more rewarding than The Swipe bubble; I think it’s been called human interaction by scientists. It finally comes to the time when I had to bid my new acquaintance adieu. Gathering up my bags, I said I had to catch my flight and that it was nice to meet her and lovely to chat and I hope that she has a great time in Copenhagen.
I asked my final question as I got up: ‘What’s your name?’
“Siobhan”, she responded. (#6)